Funny a Stone in a Bikini
When a woman wears a bikini, she has 90 percent of her body exposed
Men, being the gentleman that we are, only look at the other 10 percent. (Hopefully not a repost)
CPR
I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."
Your momma's so fat...
Her picture fell off the wall
She wears a 3 piece bikini
There are smaller fat women orbiting her
Her tampons come equipped with On Star
How do you get an elephant into a bikini?
You take the "n" out of "fun" and the "f" out of "way"
Punchline: there's no "f" in "way" (there's no effin way!)
How do you get Rosie O'donnell into a tiny little bikini?
Bob: Hey Jerry, how do you get Rosie O'donnell into a tiny little bikini?
Jerry: How?
Bob: Well, first you got to take the letter F out of the word weigh
Jerry: Huh?
Bob: Take the F out of weigh
Jerry: Bob, there is no F in weigh
Bob: Exactly!
Birthday at the old-age home
So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super sex."
Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."
Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.
I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me wanking and not some pervert.
A very Fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk,
'i would like to see a bikini that fits me'
Clerk...'me too'
A woman visited her parent's home.[SFW]
A woman visited her parent's home.
When she opened the refrigerator, she found a picture of supermodel in a bikini.
woman: Mom, what's this?
Mom: Oh, I put up that picture, which reminds me not to over eat.
woman: Is it working?
Mom: Yes and No. I've lost 9 kg's but your dad has gained 22 kg's..!
SpongeBob
Wait, I just realised something. SpongeBob lives in bikini bottom, and he's absorbent: oh no...
What are the similarities between the sun and a bikini
1. They are both hot
2. They both look better when going down and
3. They both go down at night
You can explore bikini braless reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bikini swimmers dad jokes. There are also bikini puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
TINY BIKINI
A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. She went home and put it on, then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" Her mother replied, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!"
A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.
The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.
What do you call a bikini you wear to the zoo?
A zucchini.
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Statistics are like Bikini Atoll
Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point.
Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach naked?
There was no bikini atoll
Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman:
What it shows is interesting, but what it doesn't show is the most important part.
Why is a bad government like a bikini?
Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.
Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...
... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.
Would an unfulfilled beer ad bikini model...
be known as a sadder Budweiser girl?
A man's wife is showing off her new bikini at the beach....
"Do you notice the difference?" she said "I've lost a stone".
The man picks up the smallest pebble he can find and throws it into the water. "The beach has lost a stone. Do you notice the difference?"
What do you call a bikini clad conspiracy theorist?
An illumi-hotty!
Statistics are like a bikini
What it reveals is suggestive, but what it conceals is essential.
I was sat on the beach with my girlfriend the other day.
After a while, I turned to her and said, "If you were to see someone in a bra and knickers at the beach, you would think they are crazy. But somehow it's perfectly acceptable to wear a bikini, which is stupid as it's basically the same thing."
She said, "I don't care. Please, just take them off."
Women expose 90% of their body when wearing a bikini
Men are nice enough to only look at the covered parts
Did you know that when a woman wears a bikini, 90% of the body is exposed?
But men are so classy that they only stare at the 10% that's covered
When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....
Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
The Bikini exposes up to 90% of the female body...
...but men are so classy we only look at the covered 10%
If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom
then I'm pretty sure that makes him a tampon
The bikini barrista I ordered from today spit in my coffee.
Only cost me a $1 extra.
There's been a shooting at the San Diego bikini contest.
Don't worry though, everyone made it out in a one-piece!
When a woman wears a bikini, they leave 90% of their body exposed.
Men, being the gentlemen that we are, only look at the other 10%.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite...
...I only look at the covered parts.
A pony walks into a bar
Says to the bartender Let me get one Apple martini
bartender leans in closer and says what?
Pony says one. Apple martini, please .
Bartender asks, something about a Bikini?
Pony starts to get a little frustrated but manages to say a little louder now ONE APPLE MARTINI
Bartender said oh! It's hard to hear you, you're a little horse
Bikini Waxing
What a rip off.
"When I see Donald Trump..." - Edinburgh Fringe 2018
When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
Bush wasn't that bad.
Angela Barnes, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm
What did the bikini-clad woman who was on the beach say when Michael Jackson approached?
Get out of my sun!!
A well endowed woman was swimming at the beach when she lost her bikini top.
The woman awkwardly covered her chest and ran back towards the shore.
A little boy saw the woman and said, "If you're going to drown those puppies, can I at least keep the one with the cute little pink nose?"
I just read an article on the bikini...
it's two parts and pretty revealing.
A woman actually wrote the song: "Itsy-Bitsy, Teenie-Weenie, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini."
A man would have written:
"Itsy-Bitsy, GIANT CRANK, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini."
Message to SpongeBob:
You live in Bikini Bottom, and you're super absorbant...
Face it; you're a tampon
Trump is beginning to be like a bikini wax...
all of a sudden, having Bush wasn't so bad...
When wearing a bikini women show 90% of their body.
Men are really polite to only look at the covered parts.
An old man goes to confession.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."
The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.
"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.
The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"
I saw a sheep in a swimsuit driving a car yesterday
it was a Lamb Bikini
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit
It was a Lamb Bikini
What did the hot girl say when she was overcharged for her bikini wax?
That was a rip off!
I tried using Gorilla Tape for my bikini wax.
It was a total rip-off.
I watched a documentary about the bikini.
It was a two-part series and it was very revealing.
When wearing a bikini, a woman reveals 90 % of her body
Men are so polite that they only look at the covered part.
What's the similarity between the police and a bikini?
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
I was once in an art gallery once looking at a painting of Margaret Thatcher in a bikini ...
a security guard wandered over to me and said sir you can't wear that in here
Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto
Ignore him.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/bikini-jokes.html
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